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3 Things You Didn’t Know About Being a Lazy Bum
There are things you don’t know about a lazy bum. Lots of things. Let me tell you a few: Yesterday, I was having my afternoon nap, a vital follow-up to my thoroughly enjoyed 12-hour night sleep—when I was interrupted by a friend. He had suffered an “epiphany.” He claimed he could be “healthy” by starting…
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What is a Lazy Bum? A True Definition
“What is a ‘Lazy Bum’?” he asked, trembling from the pressure of my nobility, my profound laziness, and the biting cold. It was a freezing night in mid-December. Everything had turned a murky shade of white. Cars were smothered in snow and the streets were eerily quiet. Even the commoners were too afraid to use…
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Your Gym Membership Is a Scam: How You Are Losing Thousands of Dollars Every Year
The Smelly Truth About Gym Gym is a place where fake gurus sell the idea of a 6-pack body, a happy, singing brain, and a chalk-like drink that will make you fart a lot. Farts that smell. You not only fart a lot, you also sweat a lot. Thus, you smell a lot. And you…
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The Simple Truth: Why Laziness Saves You from Everything
The Noble Path: Why Laziness is misunderstood I need to tell you a simple truth. Today, let me tell you that you were fooled. All that insistence on hard work, all that persistence on productivity—everything was just to turn you into rat-racing morons. You were told that hard work will give you freedom, that hard…
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One Alarm is War: The Science Behind Waking Up Stress & Why You Need a Strategy
Nights ago, while comfortably reposing on a chair and reflecting on the vulgar philosophy of “Early to Rise,” I realized the horrible truth about the single alarm. Not only is the act—waking up early—itself is horrendous, but the means to achieve it—relying on a single alarm—is so destructive it can actually dumb down your mind…
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The Lazy’s Guide to the Six-Alarm Protocol
The Great Productivity Myth: Over the years, I have heard the so-called gurus preaching their “great” productivity rules: the 2-Minute Rule, the 5-Count Rule, and other unhealthy, mind-draining ideas. Stupid as they sound, these rules accomplish truly unnecessary feats—waking you up early, and making you work harder. They completely overlook the fundamental philosophy of the human mind: true…
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A Lazy’s Guide to Procrastination
Procrastination has always been misunderstood. I realized it when I was only 10 years old. It was exam night. Being painfully behind my syllabus, I was trying to find some salvation by probing my notes. Everything seemed awful. My notes were awful, my preparation horrendous, my thoughts jumbled. I was in need of a miracle.…