It was exam night. Being painfully behind my syllabus, I was trying to find some salvation by probing my notes. Everything seemed awful. My notes were awful, my preparation horrendous, my thoughts jumbled. I was in need of a miracle. Suddenly, with a flash of light, an idea popped into my mind. A simple idea; it wasn’t a miracle, but a calculated, strategic plan that made my miserable night peaceful and serene.
“Let’s go to sleep and prepare whatever we can first thing in the morning.”
“Touché,” I said. “Marvelous,” I thought.
My reasoning was irrefutable: “I am anxious now. Even if I try preparing anything, I would fail, given how depressed and awful I am feeling. The solution? A solid 5 hours of sleep to end this misery. And after that, I would be ready to take on this giant of a task to pass the exam.”
It was a flawless plan. And I didn’t hesitate to implement it right away. I set my alarms, of course, 6 alarms, each 10 minutes apart—and went to bed. We all know that setting a single alarm is an act of gross unprofessional optimism, a hallmark of the emotionally unbalanced and mentally screwed. Hence, 6 highly calibrated alarms.
With the first alarm, I did wake up, but it was a waste not to utilize the next five alarms, so I went back to sleep. After experiencing the remaining 5 alarms, I realized it would be beneficial to set 3 more alarms, as it was still dark outside, and I was still feeling rather sluggish. Moreover, giving my body time to come back to reality is always a sound idea. A plan, albeit stupid, is better than no plan. So that’s what I did.
After rinsing and repeating this process a few more times, I woke up only 2 hours before the exam feeling completely refreshed and brimming with certainty that I had successfully optimized my time and trimmed it down to the absolute minimum, the exact time I would need to ace my exam.
I woke up, went to the bathroom, and did what any civilized human would do: had a shower and brushed my teeth. Did it take 20 more minutes out of my preparation? Yes. Did it add to my freshness and massaged my ego of being a higher breed of human? Also Yes. Then we take those.
Finally, I started my preparation. And what’s that? I couldn’t understand a single thing written on my notes. A horrific realization dawned on me only 1 hour and 17 minutes before the exam: my teacher was an absolute idiot.
No wonder his notes were so confusing and didn’t make any sense. Then a terrible thought hit my brilliant mind. If I (a strategic genius) can’t understand these notes, what chance did my innocent, simple-minded peers have? We were all doomed. Just because of a lousy teacher and a shitty administration, I would taste a familiar yet bitter flavor of failure, again not because of my faults.
After cursing my teacher and the school administration, I had my breakfast—an essential part of the day. With this, I was ready to tackle my exam. Even though I hadn’t prepared anything, and even though my successful planning didn’t ready me for the test, it still gave me courage—the courage to always do the right thing. It gave me freedom—the freedom to take the exam again—and the assurance that I had absolutely nothing to forget.
Now you know the truth: success comes to those who never defer their work for tomorrow, because there is always a day after tomorrow. This is the golden rule we procrastinators keep closest to our hearts.